wizard alert.: a feast. a feast. a roast beast feast

i have many things for you today. i think that jupiter is in the wizard house . . . it just has to do with the planet's alignment . . . either that or well . . . i'm just a big wiz.

first off:

hot sauce.

hot sauce? you ask.

hot sauce. i say.

this hot sauce.

HOT

adjustable. adjustable! ADJUSTABLE!! the heat is adjustable. the flame is under your control.

i honestly want to buy about seventeen bottles of this. just to be able to mist hot sauce, not pour mind you . . . mist. a fine numinous cloud of tasty pepper flavor. the only question is, can you adjust the heat whilst misting? that would be the truest of all true adjustable heats . . . yes. you can expect me to buy some and list different techniques for heat misting.

next:

i never had a slingshot as a kid. well, i did for a short while. actually, i played with my dad's once. he had one with an arm brace and it was fairly intense. so intense that my 7-year-old self ended up snapping my own face with the band and pocket and splitting my lip. i didn't play with slingshots after that.

this; however, is quite endearing. seems that someone got snapped one too many times with a rubber band held taught betwixt the first finger and thumb in middle school and realized the economy of that positioning.

for information on the stuffs, there's this

i'd much rather just think of slingshot mischiefs i could do with my snazzyshot . . . which is what i think it should be named

entertainments:

it was a cool fall day in eighth grade when i first made the acquaintance of one of my closest friends

oh pikachu, you were my bestie during some of my most awkard times.

and now another chapter is being added to your saga. that's right. that's right. a new edition. motherfucking platinum.

ba-dum

now i only lasted one semester of japanese before ito-sensei broke my spirit and chased me to spanish. oh the ito-inspired sufferings and trials.

but from what i can tell, Googlia, the bastard monster baby of a tapeworm, spider, and king midas needs your help to reclaim the treasure of montezuma from fort knox because team rocket is trying to devalue the american dollar.

oh wait, the american dollar is already shit! this whole recession is team rocket's fault, fuck. someone needs to help Googlia on his quest . . . and you need to catch them all. you just gotta'.

also, there's apparently this

sha-zam-a-wham

i'm gonna be honest, i never flipped my shit for DBZ . . . it just seemed to go on and on and on and have horribly-placed commercial breaks and endless charge ups for massive attacks. except majin-boo was pretty cool. i'm not gonna lie though. i still caught it from time to time. wished i had powers. would secretly secretly wish i could do that shit. oh well. but yes. there's that.

so there you go. i'm spent. i'll lie on my fainting couch now, i have provided you with gizmos and gadgets a plenty, whosits and dragon balls galore.

i must recover. revive. revitalize. and that means one thing