king wizards

aubreylc: LOLZ

smeagol speaks lol catz?

me: hahahaha

yes

yes he does

2:45 PM aubreylc: my preziouz

we wantz itz

givez itz to mez

me: hahahahaha

i iz in your backpacks, stealingz ur ringz and lembas breadz

2:47 PM aubreylc: tolkien was a master of linguisticsa

he even mastered lol catz decades ahead of its time

2:48 PM me: hahahahahahaha

2:49 PM aubreylc: lemazzzzz breadz

lolz

rolf

for realz

me: hahahahahahahaha

2:50 PM aubreylc: i iz hatin' the silli fatz hobbitz

me: i am in your darkness, finding them allz and binding themz

aubreylc: OMG

omg

omg

one ringz to bringz them allz

and in darnezz findz trhwmZ

2:51 PM me: whoaaaaaaaaaa

i am in kub/z lol speekz, being intense

2:52 PM aubreylc: bakk to mordorz u willz cumz?

me: no. i iz scareds of the eye

2:53 PM aubreylc: it zeeeeeez

me: if followz!

2:58 PM aubreylc: it callzzzzzzz

a feast. a feast. a roast beast feast

i have many things for you today. i think that jupiter is in the wizard house . . . it just has to do with the planet's alignment . . . either that or well . . . i'm just a big wiz.

first off:

hot sauce.

hot sauce? you ask.

hot sauce. i say.

this hot sauce.


HOT

adjustable. adjustable! ADJUSTABLE!! the heat is adjustable. the flame is under your control.

i honestly want to buy about seventeen bottles of this. just to be able to mist hot sauce, not pour mind you . . . mist. a fine numinous cloud of tasty pepper flavor. the only question is, can you adjust the heat whilst misting? that would be the truest of all true adjustable heats . . . yes. you can expect me to buy some and list different techniques for heat misting.

next:



i never had a slingshot as a kid. well, i did for a short while. actually, i played with my dad's once. he had one with an arm brace and it was fairly intense. so intense that my 7-year-old self ended up snapping my own face with the band and pocket and splitting my lip. i didn't play with slingshots after that.

this; however, is quite endearing. seems that someone got snapped one too many times with a rubber band held taught betwixt the first finger and thumb in middle school and realized the economy of that positioning.

for information on the stuffs, there's this

i'd much rather just think of slingshot mischiefs i could do with my snazzyshot . . . which is what i think it should be named

entertainments:

it was a cool fall day in eighth grade when i first made the acquaintance of one of my closest friends



oh pikachu, you were my bestie during some of my most awkard times.

and now another chapter is being added to your saga. that's right. that's right. a new edition. motherfucking platinum.

ba-dum

now i only lasted one semester of japanese before ito-sensei broke my spirit and chased me to spanish. oh the ito-inspired sufferings and trials.

but from what i can tell, Googlia, the bastard monster baby of a tapeworm, spider, and king midas needs your help to reclaim the treasure of montezuma from fort knox because team rocket is trying to devalue the american dollar.

oh wait, the american dollar is already shit! this whole recession is team rocket's fault, fuck. someone needs to help Googlia on his quest . . . and you need to catch them all. you just gotta'.

also, there's apparently this

sha-zam-a-wham

i'm gonna be honest, i never flipped my shit for DBZ . . . it just seemed to go on and on and on and have horribly-placed commercial breaks and endless charge ups for massive attacks. except majin-boo was pretty cool. i'm not gonna lie though. i still caught it from time to time. wished i had powers. would secretly secretly wish i could do that shit. oh well. but yes. there's that.


so there you go. i'm spent. i'll lie on my fainting couch now, i have provided you with gizmos and gadgets a plenty, whosits and dragon balls galore.

i must recover. revive. revitalize. and that means one thing



oh, if only this happened each time i opened a bottle. a sweet sweet fountain of aspartame.

you might want to brush your teeth afterwards.

since this occurs on the internet and is the product of image modification, i feel it's wizardly enough . . . mostly though, it's creepy. as in shudders the rest of the day creepy.

this is it


ugh. ugh. ugh.

sure. it's simple. simple in the way that it must have come about from an ungodly amount of alcohol or perhaps marijuana . . . at least i hope so.

laura veirs and lisa loeb, one decade separated musical twins

Aubrey: i'm going to be a great abstracta expressionist sunday night

me: ha. why sunday night?

Aubrey: because i will be alone at laura veirs

4:26 PM sob

8 minutes

4:34 PM me: ha

i mean. i like galaxies, but the rest of her just doesn't do it for me . . . not even enough to leave free downloaded veirs on my computer

4:35 PM cubsey! send me your number so i can send you a picture of my new doggy dog

4:36 PM Aubrey: whatever

i'm over it anyway

xxx-xxx-xxxx

4:37 PM me: ha. like cinco?

4:38 PM Aubrey: de mayo?

me: yes yes

Aubrey: yup

kinda like that

4:39 PM Aubrey: just keep digging

4:40 PM how old?

me: hahahahaha

not sure. my friend and i rescued him from memorial after he wandered by ria's whilst we were eating. we ran around for an hour and a half before getting him calmed down and in the car.

4:41 PM they gave us our meal for free since we were running out to save a stray dog

he's old though. he's arthritic and has a white beard

4:42 PM Aubrey: yea, when the text said "puppy" i was a tad confused

me: ha

not a puppy at all

just puppy dog as a term:]

4:44 PM Aubrey: like you're in the doghouse like a term

me: hahahahaha

oh goodness

wit wit wit

4:47 PM Aubrey: i'm sorry, i just totally flipped when i first heard her and it was like the new joanna newsom for me and the same thing happened when i first heard her and no one liked her and i just don't get it

4:48 PM me: ha

well

i really did like that song . . .

4:49 PM she sort of seems like the 2000s Lisa Loeb . . .

Aubrey: too late dawson

oh helllllll no

you better learn to backpedal better

and faster

4:50 PM Lisa Loeb was on gossip girl last night and i was going off on how lame she is and why would anyone ever put her on the show

~~~~
allow me to submit several pieces of evidence to the jury as to the fact that laura veirs just is lisa loeb about 10 years after lisa did her thing with "stay"

exhibit a (lisa)


exhibit b (laura)


yes. yes. ms. loeb looks far more sultry with her six string than ol' laura, but you've got to admit there's a certain charm to laura in this picture. like your roommate playing a set at the coffeehouse and you going to see her . . . whereas lisa seems to be more of a sexy librarian being crushed under a guitar.

on we move:

exhibit c (lisa)


exhibit d (laura)



once again we have sexy librarian, this time trapped in a tube top, and our good friend and roommate laura has wandered out into the desert in her dance recital best. still . . . the aesthetic and thematic similarities are too much to be ignored. i mean, there is the fact that lisa looks like her cat eyes are gonna jump your bones at any moment while laura will just glance bashfully from across the room that causes me to be far more endeared to veirs than loeb . . . perhaps they aren't twins at all but just two sides of a person. interesting.

so, to you, aubrey, all i have to say is that i shan't backpedal. not one moment. i shall forever and always pedal onwards as if on a fixed gear bike.

my body is a weapon

if you've ever thought of messing with me,

this is how i throw down

i'm really a 14-year-old girl.

sometimes my wikipedia reading in the interest of improving the state of my knowledge of absolute truth is influenced by what i'm feeling.

exhibit a

exhibit b

exhibit c

and if you're as dense as can be, here's just one more . . . don't worry . . . it's a little more straightforward.


exhibit d


but there you go. it's sort of an extension of eating your feelings . . . with one you feed your probably more than likely fat self . . . with the other, you just read random garbage.

This program is not responding

another day at work.

another 11 hours spent sitting at a front desk at a salon, trying desperately to amuse myself.

and a storm is blowing in.

so in response to the odd ennui/loneliness combo that a day at the front desk coming storm duo produces, i have downloaded sim tower. SIM TOWER

oh the hours spent on you.

and hence why i would return to your vertically-assembling bosom in this moment of je nai sais qua.

but alas, this poor behemoth of a computer cannot handle the booking software and the magick salvations of sim tower.

because the 16bit something or other crashed. i may be a wiz, but i cna't fix those computer devices, they run on witchcraft in my opinion.

so i will sit here.

and brood.

oh, the brooding.